Adolescents is a NIGHTMARE

Sleep experts report that every person has dreams when they sleep but only a small fraction of those dreams are remembered.  We can all think back to recurring dreams that you and I have had.  The dream that I most vividly remember during my adolescents is the one where I go to school and magically I realize that I am not wearing any pants!  There I am in homeroom wearing a shirt and "whitey tighties".  Talk about humiliating.  Everyone is looking and pointing.  Thoughts are running through my head like how embarassed I am and why did I go to school with no pants!?!  I never found an answer to that particular question but maybe my dream is the reality that most Students face.  No, I'm not saying that your kids go to school with no pants on, but rather so many of us feel so self-conscious that everyone notices us and particularly our flaws.  Self confidence is a HUGE issue for everyone but it is amplified for the adolescent.

I deal with Students regularly who struggle with this as well as Parents who are deeply concerned as to how their child can feel accepted, valued, and significant without crossing the boundaries of arrogance.  I see Students who are over compensating for the insecurities through falsified romantic relationships, moronic behavior, and sometimes drugs and alcohol.  There are usually tons of reasons for this lack of self confidence and to confine all of those into one neat package is basically impossible, HOWEVER, the one consistent trait that I find in all these situations is a skewed view of how God views them.  In other words, they don't see what God sees and therefore find it difficult to live as God says.

In our college break out group last night we looked at Ephesians 1:4 where Paul talks about God who "chose" us before the creation of the world.  He even refers to us as God's "sons".  Talk about a significant title.  He chose us despite our frailities.  He chose us despite our flaws and imperfections.  He chose us despite how he knew we would fail him.  He chose us simply because we are significant and made in his image.

I am reminded of a Student several years ago who was fresh and new to faith and had lived a life contrary to God's calling in the past.  Her family life was less than ideal and she was the epitomy of self conscious.  She didn't look good enough, she didn't have the right family pedigree, she had no money.  Her dark past and the fact that she didn't quite look like everyone else gave her a feeling that she was constantly being scrutinized and didn't measure up.  She was living a nightmare.  How do you convince that kid that they are significant?  For her, what was needed was a constant reminder in gentle assurance that she is precious for no other reason than God said so.  There were also times where she had to be told strongly that self doubt was no longer tolerable.  Her lack of confidence lessened her God and his ability to do great things through her.  There were many conversations that were sweet and reassuring and sometimes she just had to be told to get over herself!!  The result, one day during a camp she looked at my Bride and told her how beautiful she was, my Bride immediately snapped back and said "thanks and so are you".  She waited with baited breath as this Student echoed out these words, "I know I am.  I'm made in God's image".  Hallelujah!!!  She was getting it and now she needed to work on keeping it.

The harsh reality is that often times our own lack of self-confidence is projected onto our kids and we inherit it.  We as Christians need to humbly walk with a great deal of self-confidence.  We are not mere men and women but rather we are chosen sons and daughters of the most high.  Sit down this week with your Student and talk to them about how you chose your spouse and why you are so glad that God chose you to be your Student's Parent.  Tell them of the traits that God has put in them that should humble them because it makes them so significant.  Most of all, quit living like a step-child.  You are all chosen by God!!!

I hate apologies!!!

All three of my children have and are currently big fans of a chain of children's books written by Mercer Mayer.  In this series of books he chronicles the life and adventures of a furry creature named "Little Critter".  A week or so ago I read to my  3 year old son Mercer Meyer's book "I'm Sorry".  In the story, Little Critter, goes through a series of "oops" moments.  Whether it be spilling the milk, breaking a vase, or letting the water in the bath tub run over.  After each of those moments Little Critter responds with his patented, "I'm Sorry".  The book ends with Little Critter's Mom giving him a big hug and explaining that "I'm sorry" loses a little of it's meaning if it is not followed up with a change in behavior.

For Little Critter, saying "I'm Sorry" is not an issue but unfortunately it is for me.  I'm great at forgiving wrongs or restoring people who have done me wrong but if I have to submit myself before someone and seek their forgiveness it rattles me to my core.  My pride comes screaming out and in an effort of self preservation my lips become locked and I just can't seem to get out the words, "I'm sorry".  It seems that most people I encounter usually fall to one of the two extremes.  Either the apology comes so easy and is followed with no change in behavior OR the mere words and humility are buried under prideful ambitions.  Which one are you?

Humility is a scary thing.  Humility is the allowance of youself to be in the presence and control of someone greater than you. Our culture has made humility which God exalts as a source of strength, read Philippians 2, into a proverbial dirty word.  What is so wrong with submitting to Parents, Teachers, each other, or even God?  When has humility been associated with weakness?  What a fallacy the world has convicted us of.  Humility is one of the strongest characteristics found in Christ which can also be found in you and me.

Typically Students are 16 going on 30.  They want the freedom and often times their desire for that bypasses the necessity of humility.  All too often I see Parents that are too interested in being their Student's friend then their Parent.  To be completely clear, this is NOT humility but rather selfishness.  In many families the appropriate question of, who's in charge, needs to be asked.  Humility does not take away leadership or strength.  Parents, have you ever made a mistake while Parenting?  Please say yes so that I'm not the only one!  Would it be appropriate to apologize to your own children?  I believe so.  It would demonstrate strength and expectation of your Children to follow that example.  It doesn't demean you or take your autority away, it makes you Christ-like.

Students, do you really want to be in charge of your own life?  Do you really want all that it entails and encompasses?  Are you big enough to go out on your own?  Probably not.  Even though your Parents may not be perfect let me tell you a secret, NEITHER ARE YOU!!  Humility is something that is deeply need in our families, Churches, and communities.  Don't be afraid to submit to your Parents and and Parents don't be afraid to demand that submission.  Remember that question we asked earlier, who's in charge? 

I still hate apologizing but it is still necessary for me to do.  I'm not perfect and to overlook my own frailities makes me less of a leader and less like Christ.  I don't know about you, but maybe I need to read Mercer Mayer's "I'm Sorry" and learn a slight lesson from Little Critter.