There are magical moments in my house when my living room transforms into something akin to the old School WWF (World Wrestling Federation) ring. There are giddy screams of laughter, flying pillows, and children tossed about and twisted in true wrestling form. It's simply beautiful and fun. The kids love it, I love it, and Ginea.... well she just leaves the room. Sometimes however, I will confess that the laughter turns to tears when the perfect body slam turns into something less than perfect. There's no permanent damage of course and I quickly address the situation with a kiss and the proverbial, "I'm sorry". The crazy thing is that simply because I say those words the tears don't instantly stop because those words haven't taken away the pain. It's still there and it is still real but the problem is, there's nothing else to say.
In Matthew 18:21-22 Jesus tells Peter that he is not to simply forgive 7 times but rather 70 times 7. That's 490 apologies!!! What happens when we reach 491? Forgiveness is a very difficult virtue. So often the hurt is not grown out of a simple accident but rather the deliberate choice of someone else who was solely thinking of themselves. They never considered you or their effect on you and now the innocent suffer. Sure, you can say you are sorry but that doesn't take the pain or the consequences away. It doesn't magically disappear with a few words. Trust, confidence, and intimacy have all been violated if not destroyed. So now what do we do with this forgiveness thing?
So often when I am put in the position of forgiving someone the first thing I question is their motive. Did they really mean it? Are they sorry they did it or are they sorry they got caught? The second thing I do is to immediately go into self preservation and yes, even self-righteousness. The "I can't believe you..." or the "I would never..." come out. These are natural responses and hopefully I'm not the only one who does this but maybe I am missing the first and most important step to forgiveness, finding a personal peace with God in this process.
Forgiveness is not about fixing things to make them better. It is not even about the person that wronged you. Forgiveness is about letting go so that you may bring peace to your heart. Forgiveness is about turning to God and letting Him work in your life. The sooner you forgive, the sooner God can work for you. In and of ourselves we are completely incapable of forgiving. I know for sure I am not. That is where the power of the Holy Spirit comes in. We need help from God in this process and when anger, rage, and disappointment are allowed to create a buffer between you and God forgiveness will never take place.
For every action there are consequences and those consequences don't disappear with two little words, "I'm sorry." Maybe the next time we are put into a positon to forgive, those words should serve as an invitation to get really personal with God. Dive deep into a personal place with God where peace is found and we are able to see as God sees and then do as God says.
As for me, this blog has gotten to deep for my simple mind. I think I'll just do a little warm up and get ready for wrestle mania tonight in the living room with a 9, 7, and 3 year old.
