Adolescents is a NIGHTMARE

Sleep experts report that every person has dreams when they sleep but only a small fraction of those dreams are remembered.  We can all think back to recurring dreams that you and I have had.  The dream that I most vividly remember during my adolescents is the one where I go to school and magically I realize that I am not wearing any pants!  There I am in homeroom wearing a shirt and "whitey tighties".  Talk about humiliating.  Everyone is looking and pointing.  Thoughts are running through my head like how embarassed I am and why did I go to school with no pants!?!  I never found an answer to that particular question but maybe my dream is the reality that most Students face.  No, I'm not saying that your kids go to school with no pants on, but rather so many of us feel so self-conscious that everyone notices us and particularly our flaws.  Self confidence is a HUGE issue for everyone but it is amplified for the adolescent.

I deal with Students regularly who struggle with this as well as Parents who are deeply concerned as to how their child can feel accepted, valued, and significant without crossing the boundaries of arrogance.  I see Students who are over compensating for the insecurities through falsified romantic relationships, moronic behavior, and sometimes drugs and alcohol.  There are usually tons of reasons for this lack of self confidence and to confine all of those into one neat package is basically impossible, HOWEVER, the one consistent trait that I find in all these situations is a skewed view of how God views them.  In other words, they don't see what God sees and therefore find it difficult to live as God says.

In our college break out group last night we looked at Ephesians 1:4 where Paul talks about God who "chose" us before the creation of the world.  He even refers to us as God's "sons".  Talk about a significant title.  He chose us despite our frailities.  He chose us despite our flaws and imperfections.  He chose us despite how he knew we would fail him.  He chose us simply because we are significant and made in his image.

I am reminded of a Student several years ago who was fresh and new to faith and had lived a life contrary to God's calling in the past.  Her family life was less than ideal and she was the epitomy of self conscious.  She didn't look good enough, she didn't have the right family pedigree, she had no money.  Her dark past and the fact that she didn't quite look like everyone else gave her a feeling that she was constantly being scrutinized and didn't measure up.  She was living a nightmare.  How do you convince that kid that they are significant?  For her, what was needed was a constant reminder in gentle assurance that she is precious for no other reason than God said so.  There were also times where she had to be told strongly that self doubt was no longer tolerable.  Her lack of confidence lessened her God and his ability to do great things through her.  There were many conversations that were sweet and reassuring and sometimes she just had to be told to get over herself!!  The result, one day during a camp she looked at my Bride and told her how beautiful she was, my Bride immediately snapped back and said "thanks and so are you".  She waited with baited breath as this Student echoed out these words, "I know I am.  I'm made in God's image".  Hallelujah!!!  She was getting it and now she needed to work on keeping it.

The harsh reality is that often times our own lack of self-confidence is projected onto our kids and we inherit it.  We as Christians need to humbly walk with a great deal of self-confidence.  We are not mere men and women but rather we are chosen sons and daughters of the most high.  Sit down this week with your Student and talk to them about how you chose your spouse and why you are so glad that God chose you to be your Student's Parent.  Tell them of the traits that God has put in them that should humble them because it makes them so significant.  Most of all, quit living like a step-child.  You are all chosen by God!!!